Parents must be their child’s greatest advocate.
If your child is missing, time is of the essence. Every minute is vital. In such a horrific situation, you will need to fiercely advocate for support and prioritize all efforts toward a proactive search.
Several months ago, MissingNoMore received a late night email from a woman whose nephew was missing; we immediately began researching and organizing an investigation file to coordinate search and rescue operations in the early morning hours. Before one of our investigators could mobilize, it was confirmed by local law enforcement that the child was thankfully recovered.
Later that morning, I called the aunt; I wanted her to know that her cry for help was heard, that we prepared ourselves to help, and that we were still available to them (in any way that they might need) now that her nephew had been found. But, in that conversation, I also asked about something that I had uncovered when organizing the research file: her nephew had gone missing after school one day, but nothing appeared to have been reported for four days.
She told me that the entire family had relentlessly spent that week trying to get the police department involved. They were all, very understandably, exhausted; they hadn’t slept or eaten, but had, instead, spent all of their time pleading with the police department to start an active investigation.
Many are unaware that the well-known AMBER Alert system is not activated for all cases involving a child who has gone missing; instead, certain criteria must be met before the alert is issued:
- law enforcement has determined that the child is not a runaway,
- it is confirmed that a custody dispute is not the sole reason for requesting the alert,
- the abduction is known to pose a credible threat of imminent danger, serious bodily injury, or death to the missing child, and
- enough description about the child, the abductor, and the abduction circumstances must be provided to lead law enforcement to believe that issuing the alert will result in successfully locating the missing child.
Unfortunately, much of this information will not (and could not) be known unless there is an active investigation. These conditions also negate many important factors. For instance, while there are many reasons why a child (most commonly a teenager) would voluntarily become a runaway, most, if not all, only do so after being groomed by a predator seeking to exploit vulnerabilities. Also, while child custody disputes are treated as a concern for the courts, many custody arrangements are made because certain individuals are justly deemed unfit based on risk factors confirmed by provided evidence. Next, it must be factually understood that any and all child abductions pose an imminent threat.
While it is commonly known that local police departments are understaffed and have limited resources, when a child goes missing, time is of the essence. Every minute is vital. Every passing moment is terrifying. Time cannot be wasted. Still, it is often initially assumed that a missing child (especially if they are teenagers) is merely with friends, is a willing runaway, or is likely to return soon on their own. All such assumptions can cost precious, unaffordable time.
In our conversation, this incredible woman shared with me her sleepless efforts for four straight days to advocate law enforcement’s involvement and to organize a search party; it was only after a bloody item of clothing was discovered in a nearby park by her community search party that local law enforcement felt it necessary to engage. The child was found and hospitalized a few hours later, and it was discovered through the investigation that the situation involved multiple perpetrators and several abducted children.
In this situation, this particular child was found, treated, and returned home (albeit not unscathed); however, the very next week, in a different city on the other side of the valley, MissingNoMore was informed of an almost identical child abduction. It is, unfortunately, a common story.
While anxious paranoia will always be discouraged, it is important to never allow yourself to slip into a false sense of security—because, tragedy does not discriminate. Predators target healthy families just as often as broken ones and affluent neighborhoods as often as struggling ones; all they desire is an opportunity. Therefore, it is important to take certain preventative measures now:
- Have photos. Parents should have updated, not-blurry photos of their children in which their faces are prominent. This should be an easy task today with even an average phone; so, have many photos ready. These photos will be essential when speaking with law enforcement as well as when uploading information to online databases or social media. When these photos are on your phone, they can also be easily and quickly distributed.
- Build a community. When tragedy strikes, it will be important to be able to enlist the help of as many neighbors, friends, and family as possible. Also, please remember that we, MissingNoMore, are here for you too!
- Know your child. As parents, we are responsible for the safety and welfare of our children; we, therefore, must know who their friends are, where they like to spend their time when not at home, and who they are talking to (in person, online, in video game chats) and what they are talking about in those conversations.
Lastly, be proactive. You must be your child’s greatest advocate and most ardent rescuer. It must be said that all efforts must be conducted in accordance with the law, but, unfortunately, it must also be said that you cannot expect to delegate parental duties at a time when your child is most in need. Don’t wait.